child struggling with homework

ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Help for parents with strong-willed, out-of-control teens and preteens.

Defiant Children Who Refuse To Do Homework: 30 Tips For Parents

• Your child doesn’t understand the work and needs some extra help. It’s possible that your youngster doesn’t want to do his homework because he really needs help.  Also, it can be challenging for moms and dads to accept that their youngster might need help with homework, because there is often a stigma attached to kids who need tutoring. 
• Your child is addicted to TV and video games. Moms and dads often find it very difficult to limit these activities. But, understand that playing video games and watching TV doesn’t relax a youngster’s brain.  In fact, it actually over-stimulates the brain and makes it harder for him to learn and retain information.  Too much of watching TV and playing video games contributes to your youngster struggling with school and homework in more ways than one.
• Your child is exhausted from a long day at school. In the last 10 to 20 years, the needs of kids have not changed, however the pace of life has.  Most moms and dads are busy and have very little down time, which inevitably means that the youngster ends up with less down time too.  He is going to be less likely to be motivated to work when there is chaos all around him.  
• Your child is not sleeping enough. Sleep is one of the most under-appreciated needs in our society today. When a child doesn’t get enough sleep, it can cause him to be sick more often, lose focus, and have more emotional issues. Kids often need a great deal more sleep than they usually get.  
• Your child is over-booked with other activities. Moms and dads want their youngster to develop skills other than academics. Because of this, they often sign-up their youngster for extracurricular activities (e.g., sports or arts).  
• Your child is overwhelmed by your expectations. Moms and dads want their youngster to be well-rounded and to get ahead in life.  Along with this comes getting good grades.  All these expectations can put a lot of pressure on your youngster and may cause him to become burned-out and want to find an escape.
• instructions are unclear
• neither you nor your youngster can understand the purpose of assignments
• the assignments are often too hard or too easy
• the homework is assigned in uneven amounts
• you can't provide needed supplies or materials 
• you can't seem to help your youngster get organized to finish the assignments
• your youngster has missed school and needs to make up assignments
• your youngster refuses to do her assignments, even though you've tried hard to get her to do them
• Do you understand what you're supposed to do?
• What do you need to do to finish the assignment?
• Do you need help in understanding how to do your work?
• Have you ever done any problems like the ones you're supposed to do right now?
• Do you have everything you need to do the assignment?
• Does your answer make sense to you? 
• Are you still having problems? Maybe it would help to take a break or have a snack.
• Do you need to review your notes (or reread a chapter in your textbook) before you do the assignment? 
• How far have you gotten on the assignment? Let's try to figure out where you're having a problem.

Is your teenager suffering with ODD? Take this quiz to find out:

Oppositional Defiant Disorder Quiz: Is your teenager suffering with ODD? This quiz is designed to help parents understand some behaviors tha...

• Would you suggest any further contact? Here's an email from a mother whose 17-year-old son is "on the run." He has a drug habit, and is basically floating from one l...

T his blog post contains affiliate links for products we believe you’ll love, you can read our policies . So if you purchase from one of these links, we may make a small commission at no additional cost to you. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases!

22 Effective Ways Parents Can Support Kids Struggling with Homework

Homework can be a challenging part of a child’s academic journey, especially if they struggle with focus, understanding, or time management. As a parent, you play a crucial role in making homework a more manageable and less stressful task for your child. From creating a supportive environment to encouraging good study habits, there are several strategies you can use to help your child overcome homework hurdles. Here are 22 effective ways parents can assist their children who are struggling with homework, fostering both confidence and academic growth.

Table of Contents

1. Create a Dedicated Homework Space

Having a specific area designated for homework can help children focus and be more productive. Make sure this space is quiet, well-lit, and free from distractions. Keeping necessary supplies like pencils, paper, and a calculator within reach can help your child stay organized and on task.

2. Set a Consistent Homework Routine

Establishing a consistent homework routine helps children understand the importance of time management. Set a specific time each day for homework, ideally when your child is most alert and focused. This consistency helps build a habit and reduces procrastination.

3. Break Homework into Manageable Chunks

Large assignments can be overwhelming. Help your child break homework into smaller, more manageable tasks. Encourage them to focus on one piece at a time and take short breaks in between. This approach makes homework feel less daunting and more achievable.

4. Encourage Short Breaks

Short breaks can help children recharge and stay focused. Encourage your child to take a 5-10 minute break after every 20-30 minutes of study. Activities like stretching, deep breathing, or a quick walk can help refresh their mind and improve concentration.

5. Provide Positive Reinforcement

Celebrate small successes and provide positive reinforcement to encourage your child. Praise their effort and progress rather than just the results. This builds their confidence and motivates them to keep working hard, knowing their efforts are recognized.

6. Be Available for Help, but Don’t Hover

Be available to assist with homework but avoid hovering. Let your child attempt to solve problems on their own first, stepping in only when they truly need help. This fosters independence and problem-solving skills, essential for academic success.

7. Use Tools and Resourc es

Utilize educational tools and resources such as online tutorials, apps, or reference books to help your child understand difficult concepts. These resources can offer alternative explanations and interactive ways to learn, making challenging subjects more accessible

8. Stay in Touch with Teachers

Maintain regular communication with your child’s teachers to stay informed about their progress and any areas where they might be struggling. Teachers can provide insights, additional resources, or strategies that can help at home.

9. Teach Time Management Skill s

Help your child develop time management skills by creating a homework schedule that includes deadlines and priorities. Encourage them to use planners or digital tools to keep track of assignments, tests, and other commitments, teaching them to balance their workload effectively.

10. Encourage a Growth Mindset

Promote a growth mindset by encouraging your child to view challenges as opportunities to learn rather than as failures. Praise their effort, persistence, and willingness to tackle difficult tasks, fostering resilience and a love for learning.

11. Provide Healthy Snacks

Nutrition plays a significant role in concentration and focus. Provide healthy snacks such as fruits, nuts, or yogurt during homework time to keep your child’s energy levels stable and their mind sharp.

12. Limit Distractions

Limit distractions by turning off the TV, putting away mobile phones, and minimizing background noise. A calm and focused environment helps children concentrate better and complete homework more efficiently.

13. Set Realistic Expectations

Set realistic expectations for homework based on your child’s age, grade level, and abilities. Understand that some subjects may take longer for them to grasp. Being patient and supportive will help them feel more comfortable and less pressured.

14. Use Visual Aids and Timers

Visual aids such as charts, checklists, or whiteboards can help children stay organized. Using timers can also help them stay focused on a task for a specific period, creating a sense of urgency and accomplishment when time is well-managed.

15. Encourage Collaborative Learning

Encourage study sessions with classmates or friends who can help each other understand challenging concepts. Collaborative learning fosters a sense of teamwork and often makes learning more engaging and less stressful.

16. Teach Relaxation Techniques

Teach your child relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or stretching exercises to help them manage stress and anxiety associated with homework. Relaxation techniques can improve focus and reduce mental fatigue.

17. Review and Reflect Together

Take a few minutes to review completed homework and reflect on the learning process with your child. Discuss what they found easy or challenging and brainstorm ways to tackle difficult areas more effectively in the future.

18. Create a Homework Agreement

Create a homework agreement outlining expectations, responsibilities, and rewards for completing homework on time and with effort. This agreement provides structure and a sense of accountability, making homework a joint effort between parents and children.

19. Encourage Problem-Solving Skills

Encourage your child to think critically and develop problem-solving skills rather than providing immediate answers. Ask guiding questions that lead them to find solutions on their own, promoting independence and confidence in their abilities.

20. Stay Calm and Patient

Staying calm and patient is crucial, especially when your child is frustrated or overwhelmed. Your positive attitude and encouragement can help them stay focused and motivated to complete their homework without feeling defeated.

21. Use Homework as a Learning Opportunity

Instead of treating homework as a chore, frame it as an opportunity to learn and explore new ideas. Help your child understand the relevance of what they are learning and how it applies to the real world, increasing their interest and engagement.

22. Reward Progress and Effort

Implement a reward system that acknowledges both effort and progress, such as earning extra screen time, choosing a family activity, or a small treat. Rewards provide positive reinforcement, making homework a more enjoyable and rewarding experience.

Hi, I’m Kelly, content creator, freelance writer, and blogger. I’m passionate about cooking, traveling, and sharing life’s little moments. As a mom to an adult autistic son, I blend my personal experiences with my love for food, history, and travel. I aim to help and inspire through my writing, always with a friendly, quirky, and approachable touch.

Similar Posts

10 Common Mistakes Parents Make That Drive a Wedge Between Them and Their Kids

14 Telltale Signs You’re a Perfectionist and Why They’re Hurting You

Feeling Unfulfilled at 50? These 15 Things Might Be to Blame

18 Surprising Parenting Myths Every Parent Should Stop Believing

15 Emotional Moments in Your Child’s Journey You Are Never Prepared For

23 Career-Damaging Phrases You Should Never Say to Your Boss

Leave a reply cancel reply.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed .

Internet Explorer is no longer supported

Please upgrade to Microsoft Edge , Google Chrome , or Firefox .

Lo sentimos, la página que usted busca no se ha podido encontrar. Puede intentar su búsqueda de nuevo o visitar la lista de temas populares.

Get this as a PDF

Enter email to download and get news and resources in your inbox.

Share this on social

Help for kids struggling with learning.

How to find the right professional to work with your child

Writer: Caroline Miller

Clinical Expert: Matthew Cruger, PhD

What You'll Learn

• How do I know what kind of help my child needs?
• If my child isn’t getting the help they need in school, where can they get it?
• What is the difference between a tutor, a homework helper and an educational therapist?

Kids may struggle with learning for several reasons. Some might have difficulty with reading or math. Some have trouble processing instructions. Others have trouble organizing their thoughts and the steps it takes to get homework done. And the parents of these kids struggle with how to get them the best kind of help.

Sometimes specialists at school can help, either in the classroom or in special sessions. But many parents end up looking for help for their kids after school. And they don’t always know what to look for.

If your child is just having trouble with one subject, a tutor may be the best way to go. They give the extra help and support your child’s teacher might not be able to give in a classroom. If the issue is breaking down tasks and organization, a homework helper may be the right choice. They can give your child structure and help them get organized.

But if your child has serious learning issues, they may need to see an educational therapist. They are experts who can help your child get better at the skills they need to keep up at school. Some have backgrounds in special education or in speech and language development or even in psychology. They will determine what kind of learning issue your child has. Then they will work with them to build on your child’s strengths and shore up weaknesses so that they can improve at school in general. Educational therapists also help to build up the confidence of kids who are discouraged or anxious because they’ve been falling behind.

Wherever there is a child struggling in school, the odds are there are parents struggling to figure out how to find the most effective help for that child.

Some kids find themselves falling behind their peers, despite a lot of effort, because they are frustrated by learning disorders . Some fall behind because they have a hard time focusing on learning, or making an organized effort to get homework done.

Some of the kids who are struggling will get the support they need to succeed from specialists at school , in the classroom or in sessions outside of class. But many, many parents each year find themselves looking for help after school.

That’s where things can get confusing: Are you looking for a tutor, a homework helper, or an educational therapist ? That depends on what your child needs .

Subject Support

If your youngster is failing in one particular subject, a tutor might be the way to go. It’s easy to understand what a tutor is and does: she is knowledgeable in a particular subject area, and she can bolster a child’s success in that subject by filling in background information your child might have missed, and offering more explanation and practice to help the student acquire the necessary skills.

Homework Support

If your child’s challenge isn’t a particular subject, but trouble settling down and tackling the work itself, a homework helper might be the ticket. A homework helper does just that: help with homework by providing structure and support. Many, if not most, parents fill that role for their kids, being present and providing back-up when kids get confused or unfocused.

But when children have unusual difficulty with the work, and homework becomes a major area of conflict, having a professional homework helper on the case can be a big relief for both parents and kids. It’s not a form of therapy, notes Matthew Cruger , PhD, senior director of the Child Mind Institute’s Learning and Development Center, but the result can be therapeutic: Helping a child succeed at homework without involving mom or dad can remove a lot of stress from the whole family’s evening.

Learning Support

For a child who has serious learning issues, an educational therapist works with him not so much to get the homework done as to strengthen the skills he needs to be able to keep up. Educational therapists come to the task with a range of professional backgrounds, from special education to speech and language therapy to psychology. What they have in common is that they come to understand an individual child’s learning style, and then help him develop skills and strategies that will enable him to build on strengths and compensate for weaknesses.

For a child with dyslexia , for instance, that would mean help with reading , as well as strategies for compensating for that difficulty with reading . For a child whose challenge is focusing on learning, the therapist would help with strategies for getting started, for organizing a project, for remembering information, for practicing skills. Educational therapists recognize that kids who have been falling behind in school are often discouraged and anxious , so their mission is to build a child’s confidence along with her skills.

Was this article helpful?

Explore popular topics, subscribe to our newsletters.

" * " indicates required fields

This site is protected by  reCAPTCHA  and the Google  Privacy Policy  and  Terms of Service  apply.

Stay Connected with Our Clinical Practice

Get updates on our latest clinical care services and resources for children’s mental health.

Stay Connected with Our California Practice

Get updates on our latest clinical care services in California and resources for children’s mental health.

Stay Informed & Supported

Join our weekly newsletter for expert tips, parenting guides, and more.

Change Lives this Holiday Season

Your donation provides vital care and resources for children in need. Give now to make a difference.

Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / School & Homework

“My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork

By janet lehman, msw.

For many parents, getting their kids to do their homework is a nightly struggle. Some kids refuse to do their homework. Others claim that they don’t have homework, but then the report card comes out, and you realize that their work was not being done.

So why is homework time so difficult? In my opinion, one of the major reasons is that it’s hard for kids to focus at home. Look at it this way: when your child is in school, they’re in a classroom where there aren’t a lot of distractions. The learning is structured and organized, and all the students are focusing on the same thing.

But when your child comes home, their brain clicks over to “free time” mode. In their mind, home is a place to relax, have a snack, listen to music, and play video games. Kids simply don’t view the home as the place to do schoolwork.

If the homework struggles you experience are part of a larger pattern of acting out behavior, then the child is resisting to get power over you. They intend to do what they want to do when they want to do it, and homework just becomes another battlefield. And, as on any other battlefield, parents can use tactics that succeed or tactics that fail.

Regardless of why your child won’t do their homework, know that fighting over it is a losing proposition for both of you. You will end up frustrated, angry, and exhausted, and your child will have found yet another way to push your buttons. And, even worse, they will wind up hating school and hating learning.

A major part of getting your child to do their homework lies in establishing a system so that your child comes to see that homework is just a regular part of home life. Once they accept that, you’ve already won half the battle. Accordingly, my first few tips are around setting up this system. If you get the system right, things tend to fall into place.

Put this system in place with your child at a time when things are calm and going well rather than during the heat of an argument. Tell your child that you’re going to try something different starting next week with homework that will make it go better for everyone. Then explain the system.

You’ll find that this system will make your life easier as a parent, will make you more effective as a parent, and will help your child to get the work done. And when your child gets their work done, they’re more likely to succeed, and nothing drives motivation more than success.

Structure the Evening for Homework

When your kids come home, there should be a structure and a schedule set up each night. I recommend that you write this up and post it on the refrigerator or in some central location in the house. Kids need to know that there is a time to eat, a time to do homework, and also that there is free time. And remember, free time starts after homework is done.

Homework time should be a quiet time in your whole house. Siblings shouldn’t be in the next room watching TV or playing video games. The whole idea is to eliminate distractions. The message to your child is, “You’re not going to do anything anyway, so you might as well do your homework.”

Even if your child doesn’t have homework some nights, homework time should still mean no phone and no electronics. Instead, your child can read a book or a magazine in their room or work on longer-term assignments. Consistently adhering to the homework time structure is important to instill the homework habit.

Start the Evening Homework Habit When Your Kids are Young

If your children are younger and they don’t get homework yet, set aside quiet time each evening where your child can read or do some type of learning. Doing so will help children understand that evening quiet and study time is a part of everyday home life, just like chores. This habit will pay off when the real homework begins.

Use a Public Place for Homework

For a lot of kids, sending them to their rooms to do their homework is a mistake. Many children need your presence to stay focused and disciplined. And they need to be away from the stuff in their rooms that can distract them.

You know your child best. If you think they’re not being productive in their room, then insist they work at the kitchen table or in some other room where you can monitor them and where there will be fewer distractions.

If they do homework in their room, the door to the room should be open, and you should check in from time to time. No text messaging, no fooling around. Take the phone and laptop away and eliminate electronics from the room during study time. In short, you want to get rid of all the temptations and distractions.

Give Breaks During Homework Time

Many kids get tired halfway through homework time, and that’s when they start acting up. If your child is doing an hour of homework, have them take a 5-minute break every half-hour so that they can get up, have a snack, and stretch their legs. But don’t allow electronics during the break—electronics are just too distracting.

Monitor the break and ensure that your child gets back to work promptly.

Be sure to encourage your child when they’re discouraged. It’s okay to say things like:

“I know it’s a drag, but think of this—when you get your work done, the rest of the night is yours.”

“Look, if you do your work all week, you’ll have the whole weekend to do what you want.”

Show your child empathy—how many of us truly enjoyed homework every night? It’s work, pure and simple. But your child will be encouraged when they begin to have success with their work.

Help Your Child Get Started With Their Homework

Some kids have a hard time getting assignments started. They may be overwhelmed or unsure where to begin. Or the work may seem too difficult.

There’s a concept I explain in The Total Transformation® child behavior program called hurdle help . If you have a child who has a hard time getting started, spend the first five minutes with them to get them over the first couple of hurdles. Perhaps help them with the first math problem or make sure they understand the assignment.

For many kids who are slow starters, hurdle help is very effective. This doesn’t mean you are doing their homework for them—this is simply extra help designed to get them going on their own.

Help Your Child Manage Long-Term Assignments

If your child has a big, long-term project, then you want to work with them to estimate how much time it’s going to take. Then your child has to work within that time frame. So if your child has a science project, help them manage and structure their time. For instance, if the project is due in 30 days, ask them:

“How much time are you going to spend on it each night?”

They might say, “15 minutes a night,” and you hold them to that.

Don’t assume that your child knows how to manage their time effectively. As adults, we sometimes take for granted the habits we have spent a lifetime developing and forget that our kids are not there yet.

Make Sunday Night a School Night

The way that I structure the weekend is that Sunday night is a school night, not Friday. So if your child has homework for the weekend, and as long as they’re done all their work for the past week, they get Friday and Saturday night off and can do their homework on Sunday night.

If there’s a project or something big to do over the weekend, then work with your child to budget their time. They may have to put some time in on Saturday or Sunday during the day. But other than that, your child should have the weekend off too, just like adults do.

The Weekend Doesn’t Begin Until Overdue Work Is Done

If your child has overdue homework, their weekend shouldn’t begin until those assignments are done. In other words, Friday night is a homework night if their week’s work is not complete.

Believe me, this is a highly effective consequence for kids because it creates a great incentive to get their work done. Indeed, each minute they’re doing homework is a minute they could be hanging out with friends or playing video games.

If you can hold to this rule once and deal with the complaining, then next week the homework will be done.

By the way, if they say they can’t do their homework because they didn’t bring their school books home, they should be grounded for the weekend. You can say:

“I don’t want to hear that you can’t do it because you don’t have your books. You’d better call around and find a friend who you can borrow them from. Otherwise, you’ll be staying in this weekend.”

Make Homework a Higher Priority Than Activities

Kids are involved in a lot of after school activities these days. I understand that. But my priority has always been “homework comes first.”

In my opinion, if the homework isn’t done on Monday, then your child shouldn’t go to football on Tuesday. It’s fine if he misses a practice or two. You can say:

“Here’s the deal. We’re not going to football today. You need to get your work done first.”

If your child says, “Well, if I miss a practice, I’m going to get thrown off the team,” You can say:

“Well, then make sure your work is complete. Otherwise, you’re not going to practice. That’s all there is to it.”

I personally don’t put football, soccer, or any other extracurricular activities above homework and home responsibilities. I don’t believe parents should be going from soccer to karate to basketball with their kids while homework and school responsibilities are being neglected.

Use Rewards for Schoolwork, Not Bribes

Most kids get personal satisfaction out of getting good grades and completing their work, and that’s what we’re aiming for. Nevertheless, it’s important to reinforce positive behavior, and that may mean offering an incentive for getting good grades. For instance, my son knew that he would get a certain reward for his performance if he got all B’s or above. The reward was an incentive to do well.

One of the shortcuts we take as parents is to bribe our kids rather than rewarding them for performance. It can be a subtle difference. A reward is something that is given after an achievement. A bribe is something you give your child after negotiating with them over something that is already a responsibility.

If you bribe your child to do their homework or to do anything else that is an expected responsibility, then your child will come to expect something extra just for behaving appropriately. Bribes undermine your parental authority as kids learn that they can get things from you by threatening bad behavior. Bribes put your child in charge of you.

The appropriate parental response to not meeting a responsibility is a consequence, not a bribe. A bribe says, “If you do your homework, I will extend your curfew by an hour.” In contrast, a consequence says, “If you don’t do your homework, you’re grounded until it’s finished.” Never bribe your kids to do what they’re expected to do.

Use Effective Consequences

When giving consequences, be sure they’re effective consequences. What makes an effective consequence? An effective consequence motivates your child to good behavior. They put you back in control and teach your child how to problem-solve, giving your child the skills needed to be successful.

An effective consequence looks like this:

“If you fall below a B average, then you can no longer study in your room and must study at the kitchen table until you get your average back to a B.”

For the child who prefers to study in their room, this is an effective consequence.

Another effective consequence would be the following:

“If you choose not to study during the scheduled time, you will lose your electronics for the night. Tomorrow, you’ll get another chance to use them.”

And the next day, your child gets to try again to earn the privilege of electronics. Short-term consequences like this are very effective. Just don’t take away this privilege for more than a day as your child will have no incentive to do better the next time.

For more on consequences, read the article on how to give effective consequences to your child .

Be Prepared to Let Your Child Fail

Failure should be an option, and sometimes you just have to let your child fail . Parents often do their kids a disservice when they shield them from the consequences of their actions. If your child chooses not to study enough and they get a failing grade, that’s the natural consequence for their behavior. And they should experience the discomfort that results from their behavior.

Let me be clear. If you interfere and try to get your child’s teacher to change their grade, your child will learn the wrong lesson. Your child will learn that if they screw up enough, Mom and Dad will take care of them. And they don’t learn their math or science or whatever it is they failed.

To be sure, failing is a hard lesson, but it’s the right lesson when your child fails. And it’s not the end of the world. In fact, for many kids, it’s what turns them around.

Don’t Fight with Your Child Over Homework

Don’t get sucked into arguments with your child about homework. Make it very clear that if they don’t do their homework, then the next part of their night does not begin. Keep discussions simple. Say to your child:

“Right now is homework time. The sooner you get it done, the sooner you can have free time.”

Say this in a supportive way with a smile on your face. Again, it’s important not to get sucked into fights with your child. Remember, you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. If your child refuses to do his or her work, then calmly give the consequence that you established for not doing homework.

Also, trying to convince your child that grades are important is a losing battle. You can’t make your child take school as seriously as you do. The truth is, they don’t typically think that way. To get your child to do homework, focus on their behavior, not their motivation. Rather than giving a lecture, just maintain the system that enables them to get their work done. Often, the motivation comes after the child has had a taste of success, and this system sets them up for that success.

Stay Calm When Helping Your Child With Their Homework

It’s important to be calm when helping your child with their homework. Don’t argue about the right answer for the math problem or the right way to do the geography quiz. If you get frustrated and start yelling and screaming at your child, this sets a negative tone and won’t help them get the work done. It’s better to walk away than it is to engage in an argument, even when you’re just trying to be helpful.

For couples, it may be that one of you is more patient and acceptable to your child. Let that person take on the homework monitoring responsibilities. And don’t take it personally if it isn’t you.

Remember, if you can’t stay calm when helping your child, or if you find that your help is making the situation worse, then it’s better not to help at all. Find someone else or talk to the teacher about how your child can get the help they need. And try not to blame your child for the frustration that you feel.

It’s Your Child’s Homework, Not Yours

Remember that your child is doing the homework as a school assignment. The teacher will ultimately be the judge of how good or bad, correct or incorrect the work is. You’re not responsible for the work itself; your job is to guide your child. You can always make suggestions, but ultimately it’s your child’s job to do their assignments. And it’s the teacher’s job to grade them.

Know the Teachers and the Assignments

Build good relationships with your child’s teachers. Meet with the teachers at the beginning of the school year and stay in touch as the year progresses. Your relationships with your child’s teachers will pay off if your child begins to have problems.

And if your child does have problems, then communicate with their teachers weekly. If they’re not handing in their work on time, ask the teachers to send you any assignments that they didn’t get done each week. Many schools have assignments available online, which is a big help for parents. Just don’t rely on your child to give you accurate information. Find out for yourself.

The bottom line is that you want to hold your child accountable for doing their work, and you can only do that if you know what the work is. If you keep yourself informed, then you won’t be surprised when report cards come out.

Work with your child on a system to keep track of assignments. I recommend an old-fashioned paper calendar simply because we already have too many distracting electronics in our lives—experiment and use what works best for your child.

Finally, try to see your child’s teachers as your allies. In my experience, most teachers are dedicated and caring, but I realize that this isn’t always the case. So, for your child’s sake, do your best to find a way to work with their teachers.

If You Think Your Child Might Have a Learning Disability

Kids are expected to do some difficult work, and your child may struggle. If your child is having an especially hard time, talk with their teacher. Ask if it’s typical for your child to be struggling in this area.

In some cases, the teacher may recommend testing to see if your child has a learning disability. While this can be hard to hear as a parent, it’s important to find out so that you can make the necessary adjustments.

If it turns out that your child does have a learning disability, then you want to get an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) set up with the school.

Most kids don’t enjoy homework, and for some, it will always be a struggle. Our children all have different strengths and abilities, and while some may never be excellent students, they might be great workers, talented artists, or thoughtful builders.

I have to admit that dealing with my son’s homework was one of my least favorite experiences as a parent. It was overwhelming at times. Often, I just wasn’t equipped to offer the help he needed.

Our son struggled with a learning disability, which made the work feel unending at times. My husband James was much better at helping him, so he took on this responsibility. But even with this division of labor, we had to make adjustments to our schedules, our lives, and our expectations to make sure our son did his homework as expected.

Life would be easier if all children were self-motivated students who came home, sat down, and dug into their homework without being asked. This is hardly the case, though. Therefore, you need to set up a system that is right for your child, and it’s going to be easier for some kids than for others.

We’re trying to raise our kids to be responsible and accountable for their homework. And we’re trying to avoid fighting with them over it every night. When I had parents in my office, I would take these concepts and show them how they could make it work for their families in their own homes. The families I worked with were able to turn the nightly homework struggle around successfully time and time again.

Related content: The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework

Empowering Parents Podcast: Apple, Spotify

About Janet Lehman, MSW

Janet Lehman, MSW, has worked with troubled children and teens for over 30 years. A veteran social worker, she specializes in child behavior issues — ranging from anger management and oppositional defiance to more serious criminal behavior in teens. She is co-creator of The Total Transformation® Program , The Complete Guide To Consequences™ , Getting Through To Your Child™ , and Two Parents One Plan™ .

You must log in to leave a comment. Don't have an account? Create one for free!

Hello, my grandson recently moved with me from another state. He is currently in 8th grade (but should be in 9th). He basically failed the last 2 years and was promoted. I would say he is at a 6th grade level. It's a daily fight with him to do his homework. He won't even try. I know a lot of this is because no one has ever made him do his homework before. I thought he would just have to get in a routine of doing it. He's been in school for a month now and its a fight every single day after school. I have lost all the patience I had. I am tired of being a broken record and being the "bad guy". I don't want to give up on him and send him back to his mom, where I know he will never graduate. I have made so many sacrifices to get him here, but I am literally at my wits end with this. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I didn't think it was going to be this hard.

My rule is homework after school. If he comes home and does his homework after school, it was easier for him to complete. That lasted a week and a half. Now, he just sits there and does nothing. Does anyone have any suggestions? I couldn't live with myself if I sent him back and he became nothing but a drop out. I know I am not one to have patience, and I am trying but at the same time, I am almost over it. I don't like going to bed crying and knowing that he is crying too. I am open to all suggestions. Please and thank you.

I'm so sorry you are facing these struggles with your grandson. We here from many caregivers in similar situations, so you're not alone in your frustration. We have several articles that offer helpful tips for managing these homework struggles, which can be found here: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/child-behavior-problems/school-homework/

We appreciate you reaching out and wish you all the best moving forward. Be sure to check back and let us know how things are going.

Jessicar Thank you for this article and strategies. I echo many of the frustrations expressed by other parents here, including my opinion (as an educator) that homework should not exist. I agree that teachers and parents are in a struggle about which adult is responsible for supporting the child in getting More homework done. The best thing for my son was a free "homework club" in fourth and fifth grade where a teacher monitored completion of homework. He has nothing like this in middle school so far. Where I really disagree with the article is about extracurricular activities. Kids need physical activity through sports! They need enrichment beyond academics through the arts, theater, music. Many families send their children to religious, language, and/or cultural programs after school. If I sat in school all day, I'd want to move my body and interact with others too. The solution is not removing extracurricular activities that are healthy or motivating or valued. The solution is for schools to limit homework. Given that there is still homework as a reality--I'd like advice on when to have child do homework AFTER sports or extracurricular activity. When is the best time for homework if the goal is to go to bed on time (in my house in bed around 9 pm)? Between extracurricular and dinner--when the kid is tired? After dinner? My child is in 7th grade and I still can't figure it out. What do others do/think?

I found school to be extremely boring, as a teen. Looking back I realize that I hadn't found the work challenging enough. Personally, I struggled with this all through high school. I was completely disinterested in school, as a result.

I noticed that there wasn't a section addressing situations where children, who are motivated by challenges, do poorly as a result of boredom.

I enjoy reading many of the articles; even those which don't necessarily apply to my current situations with my child. One never knows what obstacles or challenges one may come across. Thank you

Here's what I know. Correcting our children when their behavior is displeasing is what most parents focus on. Without a lot of explanation I'm going to try to get you to change your focus. All children have 4 emotional needs:

1. A sense of belonging

2. A sense of personal power

3. To be heard and understood

4. Limits and boundaries

Rather than focus on your child's behavior, focus on meeting these needs. Meet the needs, change the behavior. There a 25 ways to meet these needs. One of the most effective is to spend regular one-on-one time with your child doing what your child wants to do. How do you spell love? T-I-M-E. It seems counter-intuitive, but just try it for a week. Do this for 1/2 hour every day for a week. See what happens.

Frustrated Confused Parent, I went through similar challenges with my son when he was in high school. As a grade school student his grades were always B and higher. The changes began when his mother and I separated; my son was 12yo. Prior to our separation I was the one who maintained, and enforced the habit of completing his assignments before extracurricular activities could be enjoyed. His mother never felt she had the patience or intelligence to assist him with his homework assignments and upon our separation she completely ignored his school work. Although he continued to follow the structure I had established through grade school, he soon began to realize that no one was showing interest any longer and, thus, began shirking school related responsibilities. My son and I were, and still are, close. I am certain that the separation likely had some affect on him, but it was more than that. He was reaching his teens and becoming more self-aware. Friends began to play a more integral and influential part in his life. Unfortunately my son's grades began slipping as he reached his early teens. For me, this was extremely frustrating since I was aware of how intelligent he was and of what he was capable. After many aggravating, lengthy, heated, and unyielding conversations with his mother about maintaining the structure established through grade school, it became clear she was incapable or simply unwilling. Essentially, he was on his own. Of course I would do whatever I could to help. For starters, I facilitated a transfer to a Charter School, realizing that he needed more individualized attention than that which a public school could provide. It seemed as though he was getting 'lost in the shuffle'.

Unfortunately the damage had already been done. After two years under his mother's lack of tutelage my son had developed some poor habits.

He struggled with maintaining good grades throughout his high school career. By 'maintaining good grades' I mean that he would take a grading of 45 in math and bring it to a 70 within three weeks of the end of a marking period. He ALWAYS passed, though. He would somehow get his grades to or even above passing by the end of the period. As I began to see this, I began to have more faith knowing that when the going got tough he would step up and take charge. It also indicated that he did well with what might perceive as an impossible goal. So, I started to have faith that he'd find his way.

He has since graduated, he has a good-paying job, and he is beginning school to become an electrician within the next month or so. In two weeks he moves into his own apartment, also. He's never done drugs, never drank alcohol, and never started smoking cigarettes. All of which I have done as a teen and well into my adult years. I am in recovery. My son is aware of my own struggles. Most importantly, I believe, is that he has a complete understanding that we all struggle in our own ways. Working through the difficulties, challenges, and obstacles are what makes us stronger and it's our compassion for others, and ourselves, which help us grow into decent adults.

I came to realize that the 'grades' he received in school had nothing to do with the amazing adult he's become; it was literally everything else.

NanaRound2 My 6 year old grandson has just taken 2 hours to write a list and write 3 sentences. He thinks if the words were shorter it wouldn't take so long. Already went through this with his dad. I celebrated more than he did when he graduated. Can't drag More another kid through school. Losing my mind and like the previous comment have tried EVERYTHING.

Yeah -been there, done that. Doesn't work. At least not for my child. I've read every *actual* parenting book out there ( You know, the books publishes by Harvard & Stanford professors who've been studying parenting and child psychology for the past 30 years?) ... and you're all missing something - because I've tried it all.

My kid DGAF. This was almost painful to read. "oh, yup - tried that one. That one too. Oh, hey - I've tried that as well."

This is so frustrating; tell me something I haven't already tried 50 times.

Psych Fan I'm with you my sophomore son DGAF . I tried so much stuff even set time stuff and he just doesn't go get his work out. He's 5'9 so I am 5'1 and I can't move him to do stuff . All he does is debate with me that More Grades really don't matter that he's like I'm just going to get D's because I'm not going to care to do better because I do not like school. He doesn't understand why I don't approve of D grades because I know he has better potential but he's like D grades I will pass and get my diploma .

The first thing on the list is to try and stay calm. While doing homework with my children I'm usually very calm. When I do get frustrated I'll leave the room for a moment, wash my face, and take a few deep breaths until I calm down. Or I'll make hot chocolate to help calm my nerves. It's not a perfect system, but what is?

Number two is to set clear expectations around homework time and responsibilities. We have a standard homework time at our house, with a timer and everything. If our kids meet the homework time goal they'll be rewarded later in the evening with family time. Each of our kids know their roles and responsibilities in the house whether the work gets done before dinner or not.

Number three is a relationship with the teachers, each of whom e-mail us, some two or three times a day. Contact with them has never been better. They're teachers are all pretty awesome too.

Number Four, play the parental role most useful to your child...I have three kids. One needs no help at all, one needs minor help and advisement, while the third requires constant supervision or their e-mail might 'accidentally' open up. This we've provided through double teaming. One parent works with them until the other gets home, then they switch while the other goes to make dinner.

Five, keep activities similar with all your kids. We all live on the same schedule, if one of them finishes homework early they get the reward of extra quiet reading time-my kids are ALL book worms.

Six, Set up a structured time and place for homework. Done. Homework table with a supplies basket right in the middle of the room. Big enough for all of them to work at and then some, it's an octagonal table which my husband built. I also always have their 'homework snacks' waiting for them when they get home, and I usually try to make it healthy-even if they don't realize it.

Seven, start early. My kids have been doing 'homework' with me since they were babies, and (as I pointed out to them yesterday) they loved it. We'd learn about cooking, dinosaurs, amphibians, insects, math, English, chemistry, even the periodic table came up. We'd do work pages every day and they'd love it.

Eight, hurdle help, works in area's like math, but not so much with history or English when the problems aren't as straight forward. But we do use this method where it applies.

Nine, choose the best person for the job. I'm best at English and my husband at math. When I get stuck on math I know who to go to, and I'll even study in my spare time to get better at it so I can be more useful in case he has to work late. That being said, we both devote a lot of our time to helping our kids with their homework.

Ten, show empathy and support. Done, not only can I relate to my kids, but I've pointed out that not getting their work done will make them feel bad bad enough, and that that's why we should work on getting it done together, so they have something to be proud of.

Use positive reinforcement and incentives. :) There was this one time I sat my son down at a table with a work book about 400 pages long. He was young, not even in school yet. Next to the book I placed a giant bag of M&Ms. I told him for every page he got done, he could have one m&m. About ten minutes later he finished the workbook and grinned up at me. When I found out he'd finished the book, I quickly checked it to see if it was done well, and then pushed the bag of M&M's towards him and told him he could just have it...Now they get rewarded in video games and computer time...

It seems that according to this article I'm doing everything right...So why is my child still struggling with homework/classwork? They've literally just refused to do it. Have seriously just sat in their chair without saying a word and stared at the table, or desk, or screen- as the majority of work is now done on computers...I'll sit with them, ask them if they need help, try to help them with problems. They will tell me the right answer to the questions being asked and then refuse to write it down. I feel like I've done everything I can as a parent to help them, but despite all my efforts, it isn't working. So...when all of these things fail, when a parent has done everything right, and there is nothing more they can do short of taking the pen or pencil into their own hands and doing it themselves, (but that would be cheating their child out of an education) what then should the parents do?

When our kids don't get their homework done before dinner, they're sent down the hall where it's quiet so they can finish it at the desk there, while the other kids have family time. They are told to come and get us if they really need help after that. But at this point it's like ostracizing our child for not doing homework.

I agree with most of what's on this page, and our family lifestyle reflects that, but I will disagree with one thing it said. It is our job to help our kids and be supportive of them yes, to nurture them and help them get the skills they need to take care of themselves and their home when they're older...but it is not our job to do the teachers work for them, they get paid for that. Some days it seems like that's what's expected of parents. Some even send home classwork if the kids don't finish it in class. Which means the child now has even more work to do on top of their homework. Though I understand that the teachers want the child to finish the lesson, and were the homework not a factor I probably wouldn't mind it as much. I don't even mind them sending home study guides to help kids before tests (Which is what homework was originally) but to send home overwhelming piles of work each night for parents to help kids with, (Each child with different homework so that parents need to bounce from history, to math to English) it's unreasonable. When teachers send home homework, they're dictating what the parents can do with the little time they have with their child. Which is wrong. We once had to cancel a trip to a science museum because our child had too much homework to finish and there was no way to make it in time and get their homework done. They could have had an amazing educational experience which would overall help them get excited about learning with new and fun tactile experiences, but their schedule (and therefore our schedule) was being dictated by the teacher while they weren't even in class. Of course I try not to talk bad about homework in front of my children, because that would make it even more difficult to get them to do it. But children NEED family time, they NEED to be kids. To be allowed to get away from their work and be themselves, to go outside and play with their friends, or even go out to dinner once in a while with their parents. Homework has made it difficult to grow a relationship with our children beyond the confines of what the teachers are dictating. It's violating in some ways and frustrating in others. It's grown into this monstrous thing which it was never meant to become, and the funny part about it is that most studies done on it show that schools who don't have homework have higher test scores and graduation rates. Not to mention better mental health rates. Studies also show, that after a child is taught something, they'll only really learn it after a good nights sleep, and that no amount of homework will change that. Sleep is what our bodies need to absorb important information we learn throughout the day, so staying up late with homework might even be harmful to a child's education...

Sorry I guess that turned into a bit of a rant...In the end I was hoping to find something useful in this article, something I hadn't tried that might work, but I've done it all, and will probably continue to do all of it in hopes that consistency might be the key...It's just that even after years of already doing All of this consistently, it's still not working. It's as if my child has made a conscious decision Not to work. He's not unintelligent, he understands it, he's even been tested and found to have an above average ability to learn. He just not doing it..So what now? What more can I do to actually inspire him to do the work?

AshumSmashum Out of all of this, most of which I've read and tried a billion times, your comment hit deeper. My son scores in the 99% on tests but cannot sit down and do the simplest homework. He does have autism and adhd so when he freezes up on homework, despite More knowing it, I'm lost at how to help him get it done. He knows the work so why does he need to show it with 20 math problems after school that take forever to complete one? (whatever honors algebra stuff he's in, I was lucky to learn division lol) He has a high IQ and excels in all subjects and yet is being tutored, so far, in English just to get the work done. I'm so done with the emotional toll it takes on me and him at home. Nobody wants to go to work for 8 hours and come home and do the same for another 5 so why do we think our kids want to come home and do more classwork? I'm so appreciative of your comment!

JC Hi Barb, thank you for bringing this up! My son sounds a lot like you...and he really wants to get good grades and go to an Ivy League school. What could someone do to help an 8th grader in the moment of struggle, while making sure they don't get more More anxious from falling behind for the rest of the year?

Tb Hi Barb, I'm the parent of an 8th grader and I want to thank you for the comment you left here. You helped me look at the deeper issues and I really appreciate that. I'm going to approach the conversation with my son differently, thanks to you. Thank More you!

My 11 year old daughter, Alice, has always helped her 7 year old sister, Chole, with homework. But just recently Alice has been giving Chole the wrong answers. We have been trying to get her to give Chole the correct answers

but she always yells at us. She has a baby sister 2 months named Ray and ever since Ray was born she has been giving Chole wrong answers. I once overheard her and Kevin, my husband, talking about how she felt left out. She came and talked to me and said exactly what she had told Kevin. She also told me she has been getting bad grades and doesn't get her homework. Me and Alice talked and she said "All the cool New York girls get straight A's and ever since I started getting D's and F's they said I wasn't cool anymore." We started having her grandparents come over and she would yell, hit, scream, and talk back to them. She is a great student but she spends all of her time on her phone. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even at school she is on her phone. All I'm asking is that 1. How do I make her stop screaming, yelling, hitting, and back talking? 2. How do I make her feel cool and get A's again?and 3. How do I get her off her phone?

sounds like you have a number of concerns around your daughter’s behavior, and

it certainly can feel overwhelming. We would suggest https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/its-never-too-late-7-ways-to-start-parenting-more-effectively/ and focusing on just one or two of the most serious, to get

started. Behaviors like verbal or physical abuse would be of top priority,

while behaviors like https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-walk-away-from-a-fight-with-your-child-why-its-harder-than-you-think/ we would recommend ignoring, and not giving it any power or control.

Empowering Parents author Sara Bean offers some great insight into the reason

for poor child behavior in her article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/.It sounds like your daughter is struggling to

find more effective ways to solve the problems she is facing, and the result is

the acting out behavior. Keep in mind, you can’t make your daughter do anything, but what you can do is help her to

learn better tools to solve whatever problems may come her way. Best of luck to

you and your family as you continue to work on this.

Emma Reed Alice also swears at school and she swears to teachers. Please we have tried everything, even her sister at age 18. What have we done wrong?

Being away from loved ones when they are struggling can be

distressing. It may help to know that it’s not unusual to see changes in

behavior as kids move from the tweens into adolescence, as Janet Lehman

explains in the article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/adolescent-behavior-changes-is-your-child-embarrassed-by-you/. Normally responsible

kids can start to push back against meeting expectations and disrespect towards

parents and other authority figures can become quite common. The behavior you

describe isn’t OK; it is normal though. I can hear how much you want to help

your daughter and granddaughter

work through these challenges. If your daughter is open to it, you could share

some Empowering Parents articles with her, such as the one above and this one, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-childs-behavior-is-so-bad-where-do-i-begin-how-to-coach-your-child-forward/.

We appreciate you writing in. Best of luck to you and your family moving

forward. Take care.

mphyvr Thanks for all these "strategies", they might work for some parents, but quite simplistic and just plain old common sense for more defiant kids... Thanks anyways and hope this article helps many.

Psych Fan I'm a mom of a sophomore he's also a swearing boy and will have quite a tantrum even with consequences of take away all he does is sleep. He doesn't like school says school is a waste of time and that grades won't matter in his adulthood . He says More it over n over about how schooling won't help him in the future as I go it will help you do good on a ACT and SAT he is like getting good scores on those are only good if your going to college. He also is like jobs won't look at my grades . I tell him homework teaches him responsibility once a job sees your amount of effort in school your going to have a heck of time getting hired. I even ask him how is he going to succeed to work real well at a job when he doesn't work hard at school he goes I don't need to work hard at school but I will need to work hard at a job.

dcastillo68 If it was only this simple, but, in reality it is not.  Middle school syndrome is the worst.  Kids don't want to be labeled as nerds so they do everything to try to fail.  I went through that with my first born, and now again with my youngest.  It is More very frustrating when I was the total opposite when I was growing up.  I cared about my grades an I took it for granted thinking they will feel the same way.  Now seeing how they are happy with just getting by is really frustrating to me because I am such an over achiever.  They didn't even get an ounce of this.  Very very frustrating.  And I wish I have never invited video games to this household.  That is all they want to do.  I keep using this an incentive to bring them back on track, but as soon as I give them their games back, they are back to their old habits.  Sorry, but I can't wait until they are finished with school and hopefully moving out of state to hopefully a college career.  I may change my mind later, but at the moment, this is just how I feel.  It is very hard too when you don't get any help.  I find today's teacher to be lazy and pushing on more responsibility to the parents.  Who has time to do a full day's of work, only to do additional work at home?  okay, enough venting.

@frustrated single dad Diane Lewis Hi there - I have a son adopted out of foster care.  He is 6 1/2 and has been in 5 homes.  He is totally the same!  They learn this behavior and are incredibly manipulative.  They are so insanely smart.  I worry about exactly the same thing.  They turn on and off the behavior depending on who they are with and what they want.

We did Parent Child Interactive Therapy (PCIT) at the Mailman Center (Jackson Hospital Miami).  It made a huge difference in the short-term.  They basically taught us to be full-time behavioral therapists with my son.  The effects wore off after a few months as my son adapted and found ways to circumvent the consequences techniques taught to us.  He is like the Borg!  I am going back to get more ideas on how to adapt and change and stay one step ahead of my son.  The gals there are really smart!

So, that being said - we have to be Jean Luc Picard and constantly change and adapt and outsmart them - just like changing the phasers on a laser gun!  It is bloody hard work.  And, harder the older they get -

eg.  He drops like a dead weight - throws his book bag and will not get in the car to go to school - response - next morning I headed it off by calling out to the kids "LAST ONE IN THE CAR IS A ROTTEN EGG!"  This has worked for 2 days now.  

Wont do homework 2 nights ago - response - "ooh I like doing word puzzles - Im going to do them and win" - this worked one night but not the next - he just then just left me to do his work - so I have told his teacher that there will be no school party for Alex next week unless he gets his homework finished - we will see if this works.....

It is totally exhausting and you have to be on your A game all the time.  Im telling you this but - I have to tell myself this too.  We have to stay really fit (like cross fit) and work out like a marine.  We have to be very disciplined with ourselves - a healthy body is a healthy mind - we cannot let up at all.  We have to stay calm at all times (again self discipline).  

Im always looking for concrete reactions to situations with my son.  Like I said - the entire day goes on like this with everything except what he wants to do.  Wont get dressed in the morning - put out his clothes in dining room where there are no distractions or toys - tell him that if he gets dressed and ready for school quickly - he can spend the left over time on the trampoline.  That worked this morning.

STAY STRONG MY BROTHER IN ARMS!!!  If you can get into a PCIT program - do it.

Love to you - R

My child comes home and says he doesn't have homework, does something easy to make it look like he's doing his homework, or says he did it during free time in class.  How do you combat this without going to the school everyday?  Neither my husband nor I can do More this because of work, and the we asked the teacher's if it was possible to send us the assignments via email or let us come pick them up once a week with no cooperation.  He is a very smart kid and gets "A's' on the work he does, but he is failing all of his core classes because he won't do homework.

@atmywitsend  , my child is the same way.  I'm at my wits end.  I feel like I'm a failure as a parent because I thought I taught my smart kid to succeed - and instead she's lying to me.

Psych Fan NinaMays I'm with the same feelings as my son can be above a C student but he choose to go oh I rather just get F's on this work than to actually get at least a B or A on these many assignments.. I ask him why he chooses F's More in many assignments when he could get a grade to bring his grades up and me telling me he's not being his full potential as by making him not do his work how can I truly believe he's going to be successful and he's like I have big brains . Then I'm like why not show me by doing your school work he goes I don't need do that and I show you of my big brains by telling you school isn't important. Telling me I am brainwashed. He is a sophomore in high school.

FRUSTRATED PARENT NinaMays This is my reality too - "relationship" with teachers is difficult when they won't co-operate with homework expectations, or follow up email - the schools complain that kids are on the internet - yet its them providing wifi passwords - so kids are playing in class - lying about More homework - and since I'm not in the class, I have no idea until report cards surface.

Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents.com are not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family. Please seek the support of local resources as needed. If you need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your statewide crisis hotline.

We value your opinions and encourage you to add your comments to this discussion. We ask that you refrain from discussing topics of a political or religious nature. Unfortunately, it's not possible for us to respond to every question posted on our website.

• 1. The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework
• 2. What to Do When Your Child or Teen is Suspended or Expelled From School
• 3. Acting Out in School: When Your Child is the Class Troublemaker
• 4. Young Kids in School: Help for the Top 4 Behavior Problems
• 5. When Your Child Has Problems at School: 6 Tips for Parents
• 140,000+ Subscribers Subscribe
• 50,000+ Fans Follow
• 10,000+ Followers Follow
• 6,000+ Followers Follow

Disrespect... defiance... backtalk... lack of motivation...

Frustrated and exhausted by your child's behavior?

Get your FREE Personal Parenting Plan today.

Does your child exhibit angry outbursts , such as tantrums, lashing out, punching walls, and throwing things?

Would you like to learn about how to use consequences more effectively?

Backtalk... complaints... arguments... attitude... just plain ignoring you

Do you struggle with disrespect or verbal abuse from your child?

Has your child been diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)?

Or does your child exhibit a consistent and severe pattern of anger, irritability, arguing, defiance, and vindictiveness toward you or other authority figures?

Intimidation... aggression... physical abuse and violence ...

Are you concerned that your child may physically hurt you or others?

You must select at least one category to create your Personal Parenting Plan:

We're just about finished! Create a secure account with Empowering Parents to access your Personal Parenting Plan.

Stop Homework Struggles: 6 Practical Tips for Parents

by North Shore Psychological Services | Nov 2, 2023 | Parenting

Homework struggles are a challenge for many parents and families. Some research suggests that as many as 1 in 4 children display signs of refusal to do homework.

And for many families, it isn’t just their child complaining about doing it. They simply won’t do it no matter what you, as the parent, do.

Homework time becomes a battle, often leading to shouting, doors slamming, crying, or kids literally feeling sick over having to do their homework, like stomach aches or headaches.

Your child’s specific behaviours can vary depending on your child, their age, and circumstances. But no matter what your child does, the end result is that doing homework is a constant struggle.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

You can help your child overcome their homework struggle and set up a regular homework routine that avoids the drama — no matter their age.

Getting in a mindset to help your child — overcoming feelings of guilt and blame

As parents, it’s hard to see your child upset and struggling — especially when it involves situations we can’t remove, like homework.

Ongoing homework battles leave many parents feeling guilty and exhausted. They blame themselves and wonder where they went wrong — especially if they overhear other parents talking about how easily their child does their homework.

As a result, it can be hard to ask for help or talk about your feelings and situation.

Parents frequently tell me:

            “I should be able to get my child to do their homework. Where have I gone wrong?”

But ongoing homework refusal isn’t about placing blame. It’s not your fault or your child’s.

Instead, it’s about:

• Discovering what’s contributing to the behaviours
• Finding solutions that help your child
• Getting the right level of support

Ultimately, you and your child can create a stress-free, routine process over time.

Why some children refuse to do homework

While young children are natural learners, sometimes circumstances change for kids when they start school, resulting in negative reactions to school and its associated activities.

Additionally, homework often gets viewed as that — work. So even children who like school may balk at having to do more work after a long day at school, especially if the tasks feel more like busy work.

However, children struggle with homework for a variety of reasons. So, understanding what’s underlying and causing your child’s reluctance to do homework is an important first step. Doing this can help you start working through the problem and identifying strategies that can best help your child.

Here are some reasons that can cause homework struggles:

• Underlying learning difficulties
• Trouble understanding assignments or the work
• Problems with attention, including difficulty focusing for long periods or being easily distracted
• Feeling overwhelmed by expectations or pressure to be perfect
• Feeling overwhelmed by the amount of homework
• Underlying anxiety or perfectionism
• Finding homework boring or viewing it as unnecessary

6 Strategies to stop homework struggles and help motivate your child

When addressing homework struggles, it’s important to work with your child and adapt strategies as needed to fit their age, level of maturity, and specific situation.

Additionally, helping your child work through their homework struggles takes time and consistency. Often, it can take a series of small steps that ultimately help you and your child move forward. So don’t give up. You can overcome homework battles and create a stress-free homework routine.

Here are some ways you can help your child start doing their homework.

1. Talk with your child about why teachers give homework and why they avoid homework.

At its core, homework is a tool to help strengthen and support your child’s learning and knowledge. It’s supposed to provide them with practice so they gain mastery of key concepts, which will help them excel at school and with learning.

But sometimes it’s hard for children to understand this, especially younger ones. They may be exhausted after school and simply want free time to play and recharge.

However, discussing why homework is helpful can help them to view it from a new perspective.

Will this one step turn your child around to doing homework without complaint? Not likely. But it does help your child understand why it’s important and can eventually help motivate them to do their homework.

• Talk with your child when you and your child are calm. Not when there’s the pressure of doing homework.
• Involve your child in the discussion. Ask them why they don’t like doing homework and what is something that can help them complete their tasks during homework time or make it more fun.
• Adapt the conversation to fit your child’s age and maturity. For instance, the conversation with young kids may be short but still highlights why completing their homework is important.

2. Create a scheduled time for homework — but get your child’s input on when.

Setting a regular time for homework helps it become a habit.

To minimize objections, first talk with your child about your expectations and what homework time will entail. Let them know it is not a punishment, but a dedicated time for them to do their homework and a time when you’ll be available to support them as needed.

Additionally, get them involved in identifying when they’d like to do their homework. For instance, some kids may need a break after a long day at school or may be able to focus better after eating. By having some say, it can help give them more control over the situation and be a huge motivator.

• Look for times that you both can do most days to make it consistent.
• Avoid times when you know your child may be distracted, hungry, or tired.
• Consider narrowing the options by giving your child a choice, like doing homework a half hour before dinner or right after dinner. This may be particularly helpful for younger kids or those who get overwhelmed by too many options.
• Keep an eye out on how long homework takes and how much there is. If your child works slowly, homework can feel overwhelming so they may need an adjustment to the amount or a time limit so the work is appropriate to their age. If this is a concern, talk to your child’s teacher about limiting homework to fit your child’s needs and age.

3. Create an organized space for homework.

Having a set place to do their homework can make it easier to stick to the routine. If possible, you can set up the space with common tools your child will need, like sharpened pencils, paper, rulers, and colored pencils.

Ideally, make sure there’s enough space for your child to comfortably spread out, and that also allows you to be nearby.

Sometimes a designated space is not possible, you may need to pick up the homework station each day so the space can be used in other ways — which also works. In this case, try to store items nearby to make setup and clean up easy. You may also need to help your child organize the space as they set things out.

• Find a spot that fits your child. For instance, some children may like to be around other family members while working on homework so they don’t feel left out or alone. Other children may need a quiet space that minimizes distractions.
• When possible, make the school items they need fun — like a ruler in their favorite color or a fuzzy pencil that’s only used at homework time.

4. Talk with your child’s teacher about the homework struggles.

Homework is supposed to support learning — not make it a battle. If your child is having ongoing homework struggles, reach out to their teacher. Let them know what’s happening during homework time, including any potential underlying issues that may be contributing to the problem.

Your child’s teacher may be able to provide insights on strategies that can help at home. Additionally, they may be able to work with you on modifying assignments or expectations to fit your child’s needs.

• Reach out as soon as homework becomes a struggle.
• Ask your teacher if there are other supports or resources within the school system that your child may benefit from and can help with the homework issues.
• Some schools require medical documentation before a teacher can approve homework accommodations. In these cases, a learning or psychological assessment can provide the necessary information to help support your child’s learning at school and home.

5. Be available and nearby when your child is doing their homework.

Many children benefit from having a parent nearby who is monitoring the homework process. Your involvement will depend on your child’s age, level of independence, and situation.

For young children, you may need to sit with them throughout the homework session. For instance, children may need help with reading instructions or understanding the assignment. They may need prompts to help keep them on track with tasks and to ensure they don’t accidentally skip problems.

As children get older and more independent, you may only need to be nearby in case they have a question or specific problem.

Additionally, you can also help monitor their emotions and mood. For instance, if they’re getting overly frustrated, you can intervene. Ask them what’s happening and what can help. You could even suggest strategies like taking a quick break and walking around to clear their head before returning to the task.

• As children get older, sometimes parents may not know how the subject is now being taught (like math), or it’s a class they didn’t have in school. Even if you don’t know the topic, you can still support your child. Help them brainstorm how they can figure out the solution. For instance, is there a friend they can ask to help work through the information or an online resource or video that can help.
• Ask your child what things you can do to help them. For instance, they may ask you to review their work to double-check problems or make sure they answered all questions.

6. Let your child experience what will happen if they don’t attempt their homework.

It’s okay to let your child experience the natural consequences of not attempting their homework, especially prior to high school level and above.

Sometimes kids need to discover what it feels like when they don’t follow through on an obligation.

That said, in this case, talk with your child first. Explore with them what may happen if they don’t attempt the assignment. Ask them how they may feel as a result. Sometimes, talking it through can help them choose to do the task even when they don’t want to.

• If your child chooses not to attempt a homework assignment, talk to them after they experience the consequences. Ask them what happened and how it felt.
• Avoid getting angry or upset with them.

4 things to avoid when talking about homework with your child

1. don’t call homework their job..

This emphasizes the ‘work’ in homework, making it seem like drudgery. Instead, the goal is to try and help your child start viewing homework as important, helpful, and (ideally) fun.

2. Avoid using “no homework” as a reward.

This can emphasize that homework is something to be avoided or that students need a break from instead of being a useful tool to help your child learn.

3. Don’t use punishment to get your child to do their homework.

It’s frustrating and stressful when your child consistently won’t do their homework. As a parent, it’s hard to know what to do at times.

However, nagging until they give in or the possibility of punishments ultimately don’t work. Additionally, these approaches can interfere with them eventually developing the internal motivation and self-discipline to do the tasks on their own.

Ultimately, the goal is for your child to be self-motivated to do their work. But this skill can take time to develop. So, sometimes the use of rewards can be helpful in the beginning to assist them with this process.

4. Don’t do your child’s homework for them.

Watching your child meltdown over homework is hard, and it can be tempting to help alleviate the distress by doing some or most of your child’s homework for them. While this reduces their immediate stress, it does not solve the larger problem. Instead, it can reinforce your child’s acting out or distress behaviours, since they learn that it leads to them not having to do the work.

Instead, work with your child to support them while still having them do the work. For instance, help them break down complex tasks into more manageable chunks. Have them talk through the problem out loud.

If they struggle with certain subjects or topics, talk to their teacher for extra assistance or encourage older children to speak with their teacher. If possible, you could also consider hiring a tutor for extra support.

How to handle your child’s homework struggle if they keep refusing to do it.

While incorporating the above strategies can help resolve problems with homework struggles, sometimes more specialized help is needed.

In some cases, children may have underlying challenges that are contributing to their homework refusal, like attention deficit disorder, learning difficulties, or emotional and behavioural challenges.

So, while the above strategies can help, children dealing with these additional situations may need more support to address the specific underlying struggle.

At North Shore Psychological Services of Nova Scotia, our psychologists can help you and your child work through struggles with homework.

Our experts can help you identify underlying emotional, behavioural, or learning factors that may be exacerbating homework issues. We can help you create a homework routine, including strategies tailored specifically to your child’s needs, so homework stops being a struggle. We can also assist with a learning or behavioural evaluation if needed to get accommodations at school.

Because our goal is to help support you and your child so school and learning become fun.

Links and Resources

• The Importance of Organizational Skills in Education https://www.successbydesign.com/blogs/news/importance-of-organizational-skills-in-education
• Give Kids an Edge by Teaching Organization Early https://theprojectneat.com/give-kids-an-edge-by-teaching-organization-early/
• Why Learning Organizational Skills is Crucial for a Child’s Future Development https://theinfinityschool.org/blog/schools-teaching/why-learning-organizational-skills-is-important-for-a-childs-future-development/
• Understanding Organizational Skills in Child Development https://childdevelopment.com.au/areas-of-concern/organisation/organisation-skills/
• Why Structure and Consistency Are Important for Kids https://www.kidscreektherapy.com/why-structure-and-consistency-are-important-for-kids/

North Shore Psychological Services

Offering psychological services for children, teens, young adults, and parents in Nova Scotia.

Contact our Stellarton Clinic

Contact our Truro Clinic

Recent Posts

• How to Help College Students with Social Anxiety Succeed: 7 Tips
• 8 More Proven Strategies to Manage Test Anxiety and Ace Your Exams

What are the benefits of a learning, ADHD, or behaviour evaluation for my child?

How parents can support students mental health and learning.

• Learning Disorders
• Psychological Assessments
• Teens Mental Health
• Uncategorized

As a parent, you do everything you can to support your child,...

Student mental health is becoming increasingly pressing for many...

6 Ways Parents Can Support Their College Freshman

Sending your child off to college for their freshman year is a big...

Homework battles are common. Here's how to avoid them, according to psychologists and parents.

• Many parents and kids struggle with stress and anxiety over homework.
• Ask your kids whether they want help, but know your limits.
• An education specialist recommends having a routine and space so kids know what to expect.

When Carl Nassar approaches his 14-year-old daughter about homework , he can feel his own anxiety . There's time pressure to get the assignments done before dinner and internal pressure telling him he's a good parent only if he helps her succeed. Before long, Nassar can see his daughter's stress levels skyrocket, too.

"If we approach our kids with this angst, this anxiety — well, you've seen it happen — our kids resist the implied pressure," Nassar, a therapist and dad, said. "When we're out of sorts, our kids get out of sorts."

While there aren't any formal polls about how common homework battles are, a quick survey of parents will likely show you that many families dread after-school study time. Here's how to end the homework battles and ensure that assignments stop ruining evenings in your home.

Get in the right frame of mind

Many parents steel themselves for battle before bringing up homework with their kids. But Nassar recommends the opposite approach.

"Find your calm. Help your child find their calm," he said. "Only then do you talk homework specifics together."

Diagnose the problem

You should identify the biggest roadblock to peaceful homework completion, Tim Urdan , a father and professor of psychology at Santa Clara University, said. Maybe it's time management or procrastination; perhaps it's that your child is easily distracted. When you identify the main problem, you can brainstorm solutions.

Ask your child what they want

It's possible to be overinvolved in homework, especially with older children and teens, Urdan said. So ask your child whether they want help and which type of help would be best. With that approach, they're more likely to feel empowered, rather than micromanaged.

Related stories

Know your limits.

If you don't have the academic skills or the patience for homework, you may need to find someone else, such as another parent, neighbor, or tutor, to help your child, Urdan said.

While this may seem harsh, it can improve your child's academics. Studies have found that parents can pass on their school-related anxieties to their children as they help with homework, Jessica Mercer Young, a mom of three and psychologist who researches early-childhood education, said. For example, when parents with anxieties about math helped their kids with homework, their children picked up on those anxieties and ultimately learned fewer math skills, Mercer Yong said. There's nothing wrong with knowing when to step back, Urdan said.

Break up the work

Homework can seem overwhelming to kids (and parents), so Urban recommends breaking it into smaller chunks. Have your child work for 20 minutes, then give them a 20-minute break to play, check their phone, or move their bodies. For younger kids, the sessions should be even shorter. The key is to foster a sense of accomplishment and productivity, rather than tedium.

Don't take over

It may be tempting to take over your child's assignments to get them done more quickly. But that can signal to your child that you think they're incapable, Mercer Young said. Instead, ask your child some questions so that they can ultimately figure out the answer to the problem.

Have a routine and set space

Discover the homework routine that works for your family and stick to it, John Bianchette, the vice president of education and training at Mathnasium, said.

"This will help kids know what to expect and be ready, motivated, and focused when homework time rolls around," he said, adding that a designated homework space was important, too.

Stay positive

Keep yourself and your child in the right state of mind by encouraging positive thinking and interrupting any negative thought patterns.

"Those negative thoughts and words can significantly hinder a student's ability to get their homework done," Bianchette said.

If your child says, "I can't do this," Bianchette recommends encouraging them to use a more positive affirmation, such as: "I may not understand this right now, but I am smart and can figure this out."

Remember your role

As a parent, your job isn't to make sure your child does their homework perfectly. It's to de-escalate their stress and make homework feel manageable, Urdan said.

"You are the calming influence trying to help your child build better habits and develop confidence," he said, "so be careful not to make it a more negative experience."

Play the long game

Don't expect changes instantly. Instead, focus on building a healthy approach to homework over time so that, ideally, you can become less and less involved with your child completing their assignments.

"You are building a collaboration with your child to help them develop better homework habits," Urdan said. "Good collaborations take time to develop, so don't give up if the first few attempts don't go well."

• Main content